So these are somewhat sarcastic aphorisms of mine, but I truly believe that they usually carry grains of truth, at least in certain situations. I believe these relate to the direction that I see society traveling in. I largely imitate H.L. Mencken’s style. If someone points out to me that the word ‘gullible’ is not in the dictionary, I quickly point out that ‘cynical’ is in bold letters.
I’ve never seen a computer make a mistake: they always perfectly identify tons of programming errors.
Artificial intelligence carries the beautifully intrinsic irony of obsolescence: we engineer it to defeat geniuses, but it coaxes geniuses to become morons.
The technological singularity may never happen, but if man gets progressively less-intelligent, he’ll think that it is happening before his very eyes.
String theory only holds true in other dimensions, not the ones that we live in.
Security is the comfort man derives from knowing that others might be shot if they reach into their pockets.
Theoretical Mathematics is the study of figuring out how to get paid for day dreaming.
Poetic wit is the ability to interest boring men by boring interesting men.
The difference between a bum on a train and a Nobel Laureate is that the bum’s drug trials have usually failed.
Psychiatry is the study of two things: sedating the insane and dementing the sane.
Psychiatry is the study of treating the insane in order to drive everybody else crazy.
The automobile was invented to give people an excuse to swear. (I modified this one from somebody else’s quote, but I can’t remember who said it now.)
Economics is the study of how to use limited resources for the purpose of pissing people off.
A lecture is an exam to see who can learn the most by thinking the least.
Higher salaries and greater respect are the rewards for higher grades, but Honor Rolls are the punishment.
The Wall-Street quant is someone who will bet everything he has on a 9:1 shot if he can get a 10:1 payout.